Hephaestus and Torture Devices

Hephaestus is my name.

I am the son of Zeus and Hera. I was born lame and grew to be less handsome than the other gods, but I have developed superior skills in metalworking, crafting, sculpting and metallurgy. I am the god of fire and volcanoes. With my anvil, hammer and tongs, I have fashioned some of the most impressive weapons and enchanted items ever created, such as the winged helmet and sandals of Hermes, the prized armor worn by Achilles in the Trojan War, the golden chariot driven by Helios across the heavenly skies, and my greatest creation of all, the maiden Pandora with her locked box of evils.

Sacred fire from my forge was stolen by Prometheus and imparted to the mortals in perhaps the most sacrilegious act committed against all the gods of Mount Olympus. Zeus saw fit to punish him most unpleasantly. I will tell you of more unpleasantness when I speak to you of my wife Aphrodite.

Aphrodite—the most beautiful, sensual, and sexual of all Greek goddesses—was betrothed to me by Zeus, who wished to avoid any conflict by other divine suitors seeking her hand in marriage. She, however, was not a happy lover with me, because I was not her ideal mate. I lacked the youthful looks of more masculine, lustful, and better chiseled gods. I imagined it wouldn't take long for her to betray me and our marriage vows. With details provided by the ever-watchful Helios, I discovered that Aphrodite shared a bed with god of war, Ares. I decided to exact revenge upon them both by fashioning a metallic net made of ultra-thin, yet super-strong fibers which I hung over their bed. I ensnared them both in flagranti with my devious trap, then I dragged them in front of all the gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus to expose their shame. Aphrodite emerged unscathed and, dare I say, actually reveled in the attention. But Ares, on the other hand, was utterly humiliated. The virulent god of war was left impotent by his unflattering nakedness. That should teach him. Yet I haven't sufficiently punished Aphrodite for her lascivious adultery.

To put Aphrodite to the torture she so deserves, I need your help to decide which device would suit her as just punishment. Here is a short list:

Brazen Bull

The brazen bull is an invention of the ancient Greek sculptor known as "Perillos of Athens," who proposed the cruel device's use to the tyrant Phalaris in order to dissuade the poor and starving population against committing crimes. The basic idea behind the brazen bull is that the intended victim is forced into the hollow torso and locked inside. His tormentor would then light a fire underneath the metallic beast, essentially roasting the unfortunate victim to death. In a twist of irony, Perillos was forced into his own creation as the first test subject, because Phalaris was not yet convinced of the torture device's effectiveness. Following the agonizing screams of Perillos as he slowly burned to death, the tyrant Phalaris approved of his new toy. As I see it, Aphrodite's act of infidelity was so brazen that I find this torture technique to be quite suitable.

Iron Maiden

The iron maiden is a torture similar to the brazen bull in that the intended victim is encased in the device, but rather than being burned, the person is impaled by spike protruding from the inner front and inner back walls. The torture device resembles an upright sarcophagus with a hinged front and a woman's visage appearing at the outside top, like a death mask. The heavy iron doors open to reveal the deadly sharp spikes inside. The idea behind this contraption is that the victim is locked inside with the spikes penetrating his flesh. If the spikes rupture a major body organ, then death may occur almost immediately. If not, then the victim slowly succumbs from standing upright for many hours and, as he slumps down, the spikes tear through his flesh causing extreme pain and fatal blood loss. The spikes on the iron maiden's back wall seem to represent how Aphrodite stabbed me in the back with her adulterous betrayal. A most fitting torture device for a wife who was as cold as iron in her affections to me—the greatest of all metalworkers!

Judas Cradle

Though I am a blacksmith who has worked with all sorts of metal, the Judas Cradle is mainly a wooden torture device. It looks like something the ancient Egyptians would use, because of its main feature—the pyramid block. Also, the device's name is a bit curious, but Germans have called it Judaswiege, the Italians refer to it as culla di Guida, and the French simply speak of it as The Wake. It is sometimes colloquially called "the pyramid chair." The idea behind this elaborate device is to cause extreme pain and humiliation. The intended victim was stripped naked and had his hands and legs bound by rope. He was then placed above the pyramid block and lowered to a seated position. The pointed tip of the pyramid would enter the victim's anus—or vagina, in the case of tortured women. Death would come slowly, but mainly depended on the victim's condition and the degree to which the tormentors would exact this form of torture. In some historical instances, it was only used to extract information from the victim and not lead to his death. However, the Judas cradle was rarely, if ever, washed after repeated uses. So a victim who was merely tortured and not killed by the device might die from infection after exposure to the pyramid's dirty tip. I wonder if my unfaithful wife Aphrodite would even get the point of this torture device.  

Pear of Anguish

I like this simple tool. The Pear of Anguish, also called the Pear of Agony, is a torture device that does only one thing—it painfully expands body cavities. Historically, the metal pear was used against adulterous women, homosexuals, and liars or blasphemous people. In the case of wanton women, the device was violently forced into the vagina; for homosexuals, the anus; for liars or blasphemers, the mouth. The tormentor would simply turn the screw on the top end, which would separate and expand the four "leaves" or curved plates. While the torture device was never used to fatally wound or kill a victim, it was used to cause excruciating pain and suffering by tearing the skin around the mouth or mutilating other sensitive areas. My darling Aphrodite, you have always loved fruit. You claim it keeps you looking perpetually young and beautiful. Why not taste of the sensuous pear? I speak not of the pair of us, but the pairing of you and Ares. I'm sure you will find this pear to your liking as the flavor expands your taste buds and stretches out your treacherous orifices. Take a bite, I insist.

So, mortal, which torture device befits the adulterous deeds committed by my wife Aphrodite? Let me know your devious ideas by posting a comment below.