Come in. Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable. I will be your host. I have come to teach the young women gathered here how to keep and maintain a healthy domestic lifestyle. Who better to instruct you on such matters than the goddess of the home and hearth? You would not ask Aphrodite, for all she knows can be found in her mirror. You would not seek Artemis, because she is too busy chasing after woodland creatures. You would not inquire of Athena, though she is wise, her head is too heavy with the affairs of state—Athenian politics to be exact. And you would not bother Hera, because she doesn't even know how to keep her husband Zeus from straying. No, dear mortal, for there is no other goddess on Mount Olympus (or on the earth below) who can so adeptly guide you in all matters of the home. I am the domestic goddess!
Cooking
A domesticated woman is only worth her salt if she is skilled in the culinary arts. As the goddess of the hearth, it is my primary responsibility to make sure meals are cooked or baked to the satisfaction of the entire family. To hear the grumbling belly sounds of hungry children causes my heart to sink within my womanly bosom. It is my duty to feed those I love—to love them and nourish them so that they may grow to be strong men and beautiful women.
Washing and Ironing Clothes
Outward appearance is important. What domesticated woman wants to see anyone in her family clothed in dirty, smelly rags? For whenever we step outside our homes, we are met by society and judged by our appearance in the eyes of others around us. This also holds true for deities. So every woman must be skilled in the washing and ironing of clothes—even with modern machinery to aid in these tasks—for that is one of the requirements of being a domestic goddess. After all, cleanliness is close to godliness.
Keeping the House Clean
Sweeping, dusting, putting things in their place, and just keeping general tidiness around the house are just a few of the tasks that a domesticated woman must accomplish. Keep the house clean of dirt and debris—not only for family, but for potential guests. You never know when you might be visited someday by a god or goddess disguised as a mortal, who comes to judge you and your worthiness as a human.
Keeping the Man Happy
What woman does not hear the call of her husband? For what purpose does a woman marry a man if not to keep him happy? That is the unspoken duty of a domestic goddess—please your man first, before yourself. A woman who is skilled in cooking, washing and ironing the clothes, and keeping the house clean is a woman who will likely bring a smile to her man's face. But there is one other task that she must accomplish to truly satisfy him—giving of herself totally and utterly, body and soul. The true domestic goddess must yield to her husband's desires if she wishes to have a stable home and a long-lasting marriage.
Heed these words, my sisters, and you shall find peace in your lives. And remember, just as I do, so do you rule the hearth!
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